I think I've gone totally nutters this year.

Its my second time breaking down lamenting my year-end blues. I really tried hard not to think about it but I can't help it. I'm just gonna say it right now. My Christmas sucked. I was alone. Hungry and alone on Christmas Eve as I saw Facebook statuses lament on their happy turkey tummies and their wonderful filling roasts. I guess I'm a little down cuz I thought there was going to be a relatively big Christmas party that I'd spend with cousins, uncles and aunties and everyone inbetween. I figured since I haven't done a family meal for Christmas that it would happen.

Perhaps I'm a little sensitive during this festive season. It never really bodes well for me. So I was kinda waiting for the Christmas Dinner announcements, the emails that frequent my inbox with updates, pictures and invites and nothing really came out of it. My aunt then told me a nice dinner would be planned out for the Sunday before I left. Fantastic! Excited, I had lots of chocolate and candies from the event the day prepared for the kiddies I'd see. When the day came, I saw only the uncles and the aunties... my aunt was still very adamant that I join - only because I live in the house by default.

I got back from my trip to HK after some soul-searching I got an email with pictures of a family Christmas Eve BBQ. I guess it woulda been nice to be invited since I spent my Christmas Eve hungry at a mamak stall trying to scarf down as much Maggi goreng I could. Actually sounds like last year when I was just scarfing down noodles before my party at Century. Maybe its a generation gap thing, or perhaps one of those immediate family thingies.. but I will say, eating a day old chicken wrap before boarding a flight and saying Merry Christmas to yourself sucks even more.

So what can I say about Christmas?

Just because family is around, doesn't really mean that family is around.

My goals for next year:

1. WOULD BE NICE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH A FAMILY
2. WOULD BE NICE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY
3. WOULD BE NICE NOT TO WRITE ANOTHER STUPID BLOG ABOUT EATING NOODLES ON CHRISTMAS EVE

I hate lying to myself. But I've been doing that for a while now. I have huge things coming up in the next couple months and I expect 2009 to be raging with opportunity despite this whole financal economic turmoil. I'm packing up my month and earning more coin. Slowly slowly, I need to do this and I have to stop this whole "I've got to prove it to them (family) that I can do this."

I'm doing it. I'm proud that I've built nothing into something. I'm gonna channel all this bad energy and work even harder to enjoy the fruits of my labour.

Happy New Year folks! I'll be on an island with my besties thinking about what I'm going to do with all those damn chocolates in my freezer!