lilmui's Xanga

New Look, New Home

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:08:45 GMT

I've officially moved to www.sarah-lian.com/blog to blog my nonsense....

CHECK IT OUT!

Yes.. it's that time where I tell you that things are going to change..and it doesn't really mean for the better or worse, its just a change. The only thing that's constant, remember?
As for my dot.com site, you guys have seen lots of visual changes...

First it started with 2007's Hear Me Roar:

I was sorta into this whole art deco feel and casted against a black background with smaller images. Not too sure of myself and of my categories..I just ran with it!

Then it was 2008's Unleash the Mui

I found this to be much more focused. It was very very simple but only because I wanted it to be user-friendly. Not many buttons to click in order to figure out what's going on with me. However, my work started to pile up and I needed a way to streamline this process.

Now it's 2009's Mui and Beyond

I can't say that I'm 100% happy with this new layout, but I think it works a little more seeing that I have a blog running thru the site and I need to have updates put in the right places. My media page is starting to flood with links and images and videos... what do u guys think? Any suggestions??

My "Would Be Nice" Box

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 17:33:12 GMT

I think I've gone totally nutters this year.

Its my second time breaking down lamenting my year-end blues. I really tried hard not to think about it but I can't help it. I'm just gonna say it right now. My Christmas sucked. I was alone. Hungry and alone on Christmas Eve as I saw Facebook statuses lament on their happy turkey tummies and their wonderful filling roasts. I guess I'm a little down cuz I thought there was going to be a relatively big Christmas party that I'd spend with cousins, uncles and aunties and everyone inbetween. I figured since I haven't done a family meal for Christmas that it would happen.

Perhaps I'm a little sensitive during this festive season. It never really bodes well for me. So I was kinda waiting for the Christmas Dinner announcements, the emails that frequent my inbox with updates, pictures and invites and nothing really came out of it. My aunt then told me a nice dinner would be planned out for the Sunday before I left. Fantastic! Excited, I had lots of chocolate and candies from the event the day prepared for the kiddies I'd see. When the day came, I saw only the uncles and the aunties... my aunt was still very adamant that I join - only because I live in the house by default.

I got back from my trip to HK after some soul-searching I got an email with pictures of a family Christmas Eve BBQ. I guess it woulda been nice to be invited since I spent my Christmas Eve hungry at a mamak stall trying to scarf down as much Maggi goreng I could. Actually sounds like last year when I was just scarfing down noodles before my party at Century. Maybe its a generation gap thing, or perhaps one of those immediate family thingies.. but I will say, eating a day old chicken wrap before boarding a flight and saying Merry Christmas to yourself sucks even more.

So what can I say about Christmas?

Just because family is around, doesn't really mean that family is around.

My goals for next year:

WOULD BE NICE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH A FAMILY
WOULD BE NICE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY
WOULD BE NICE NOT TO WRITE ANOTHER STUPID BLOG ABOUT EATING NOODLES ON CHRISTMAS EVE

I hate lying to myself. But I've been doing that for a while now. I have huge things coming up in the next couple months and I expect 2009 to be raging with opportunity despite this whole financal economic turmoil. I'm packing up my month and earning more coin. Slowly slowly, I need to do this and I have to stop this whole "I've got to prove it to them (family) that I can do this."

I'm doing it. I'm proud that I've built nothing into something. I'm gonna channel all this bad energy and work even harder to enjoy the fruits of my labour.

Happy New Year folks! I'll be on an island with my besties thinking about what I'm going to do with all those damn chocolates in my freezer!

When asked about shaving...

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 08:49:59 GMT

Taken from a Youtube user - garylcj who caught a snippet of my conversation with MC Liang at the Ms. Veet Standout Challenge 2009. I was asked to participate as a Celebrity Judge alongside a few others on the panel. Hilarious clip!

Weatherization

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 10:31:57 GMT

So I'm walking to my friend's hotel room to meet up for lunch and the first thing he says to me: WTF ARE U WEARING?

I looked at myself in the mirror and thought the exact same thing. Its really embarassing. I have no decent fall clothing. Most of it was shipped to Vancouver when I weathered my own storm in Toronto. I want to come back and explore the city more and part of the reason why I haven't while i'm here has been because its slightly chilly for my liking. I love Malaysian weather, even under the hot hot sun. I absolutely love it.

I really enjoy being in Asia and the perks of never having to carry or bring big coats. I'm supposed to be having dinner with a friend but he's nursing a hangover from the night before. I was out with my buddies from Beijing, Malaysia, and Vancouver. Finally - all in one place. Now if I can only seem to get Mel out of her comfort zone to where I am! I attended the charity party at the W Hotel in Elementz and got to see lots of old faces and meet new ones as well. HK boys are a lot better than the KL ones. (Though I think any of them with Vancouver blood running thru their veins automatically get a star)

I could be slightly biased since my luck with KL hasn't been that great! But I'm not really pushing it either. I've recently UN-protected my old posts with pictures and etc.. some of them still have my "Mr.E" posts embedded that I rather not change -cuz its history. I can't remember the last time I've actually been that devoted to someone. Its a headspace that I don't understand and doubt I will for a while..

I'm gonna be rocking some LEVI's Curves next month at Twenty-One and a few more projects on the way. But for now, i have to get ready for my last nite in HK! Dragon-i baby!

Merry KRISMASU

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 09:47:23 GMT

Hey everyone!

I've sorta been on a hiatus due to the crap service from Telekom Malaysia who refuses to connect us with a working land line and an internet signal. I recently watched an episode of South Park (season 12) where town has no internet and has to try to go to californee for internet. I can't believe how dependant I am of it!

Anyways, every year i have the Christmas blues and this year I'm trying to change my habits and fly off to change up the scene! I'm going to HK! That's right folks!! Good Ol' Hong Kong to make my dreams of Mickey and Minnie come true again. Just kidding - I hope I can finally check out the scene and clubs at LKF as I'll be bunking in with my buddy in Central.

Lots of revamping going on here with this xanga being shifted to my www.sarah-lian.com/blog soon enough. Just thought I'd remind u and leave the remaining last blogs of the yearon this.

On the UPDATE - I shot another mag cover for a young and new publication for January. I also shot the cover for Seven Collar T-shirt's new Album. I can't wait to see how it looks! I'm also gonna be rockin a LEVI's party decked out in their clothing for January as well...so there are lots in store for January. Its going to be the month that moves the rest of the year!

Just a couple days until Christmas - let me share with you an email my pops shared! So I'll leave u with that!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS -incl KWANZA AND CHANNUKAH!

"The Origin of "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church.

_{Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

One true love refers to God
Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
Three French hens stood for Faith, Hope and Charity, the theological Virtues.
The four calling birds were the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists: Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
The six geese a-laying stood for the the six days of creation.
Seven swans a-swimming represented the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
Nine ladies dancing were the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness,
Gentleness, and SelfControl.
The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.
The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful apostles.
The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed.}

_{Now you know what you're singing.}

A Clive Story

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:45:23 GMT

Finally!! UBER-excited about the Clive Cover for December!

Rounding off the year, I get to rock a cover that I shot for the first time in Malaysia. I was quite nervous on the day of the shoot because it was practically my first photoshoot without Sai reminding me to wake Freddy up and etc. But I'm really happy with the pictures and even more happy with the article!

Editor Robert C was introduced to me by a friend I met a few years back and he suggested I do a test shoot for a possible cover in August. From August to December, I eagerly waited for my turn as I saw a number of hotties with their features on it!! [I was thinking.. when was my turn??] Good things come to those who wait and the Clive family must have been very strategic to let the FHM title calm down before I have my few pages with them!

Nonetheless, I'm really happy with the article and the photos! Will be shooting another cover this week for a new mag and I'm really excited to work with new people again. Must get a facial - Bella Skin Ctr ruined it and I broke out like a muddafugger and haven't quite recovered since.

Counting my beans...

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:22:50 GMT

Before ZoukOut with my stupid heads @ Suburbia Restaurant

After being ZoukedOut with my stupid heads @ Changi Airport

I've been in and out of Singapore for good wholesome fun - a nice catch up session with my fav Vancouver girls (who are now based down South). I didn't get much time to myself because I've been busy with entertaining folks and living it up. I'm in my room and its already 3:00am There's a million and one things I have to do but I figured I should update since it seems like I've been on a 2-wk hiatus.

Firstly, I'm starting to move my blog elsewhere since Xanga is a bitch and a half to log-in and blog. I tried to rock the other blog but it will have to go thru some major transformation before I make anything happen. Check out www.sarah-lian.com/blog.

Secondly, I've just drafted my 3rd Version of www.sarah-lian.com so I will start designing on my down time [whatever that means anymore] I think it healthy re-doing it every year, especially when there has been so many milestones this year!

Thirdly, I'm trying to get all my vids together to rock a good reel, along with my own sellable characteristics :) But that will only be in effect after January.

Fourthly, I'm in some discussion for some endorsement and etc etc so that will help me loads.

Last but not least - I feel somewhat bonafide as moving up in the ranks as I recently attended a Samsung function along with a few invited ladies and got to bring home a Samsung LCD 32" TV! Just for making an appearance!! Isn't that cool or what?? I was just about to consider purchasing a TV myself but looks like I got this one in the bag!

I'm contemplating HK for Xmas but its really mahal being the holidays et al. Probably in the worst possible position with the fam since my mom and my sis enjoy sending nasty messages to me. Its one thing about not being supportive, its another to affect one's work.

Craddle Robbing on National Television

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 06:08:14 GMT

That's right folks! Doing my rounds with four young gentleman has probably been one of the highlights my show thus far. Aside from the other challenges in the show, hanging out on four different dates and getting to know my contestants on a one-on-one basis was rather fun! My co-host Hansen and I ended up dating our contestant while judging them on their confidence and creativity for each date. C'mon it's been a while since I've gone on a date with boys presenting me with flowers from the get-go and telling me how (insert compliment here) I look. The whole getting to know someone is always tons of fun when there is an activity involved. I love doing something different and challenging - and please no golf dates!

Here's a link to 8TV's Catch-Up TV for the last episode: The Ultimate Prom Nite

Feel free to make comments and check out what else they've been up to! We've crowned the winner at the actual Prom nite this past Friday and the Finale will be airing on December 11 @ 9:30pm on 8tv.

My Mother's Dream is not my Dream

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:00:37 GMT

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” - Exodus 20:12 (New International Version)

I got into a huge fight with my mom this evening, she was just heading to church and thought she'd give me a call and have a chat. It's one of those normal check-ups that she does and I practically limit her to once every fortnight. I know this makes me sound like a horrible daughter but truthfully, it hurts everytime I talk to her. Compared to lots of friends out there who spend time with their mothers or share the same interests, the only thing I've learnt from my mom is the importance of work ethic and diligence. Although she never graduated high school, her resourcefulness and adaptability has earned our family certain comforts in life. She still struggles the same way she did 20 years ago and reminds us how she's gone through so much in life for us. She says everything to us out of love but the tact is never there.

Out of four kids, I was always the overachiever. I always had high goals for myself. I always wanted to be a doctor and then a lawyer and only within the last year of my high school did I ever consider a career in fashion. As the third child, my parents always placed their hopes and dreams on me because I already wanted things in my life regardless if my parents would be proud or not. Any asian child can relate when they hear their parents want them to go into medicine, law or business. Any consideration of the arts or even athletics is always considered a gamble. Which is probably why most of us rarely see Chinese actors or athletes in North America. (we're just not supposed to chase a dream that will probably not help our families or help ourselves) So I too fall into that category of "my mother wanted me to take law".

Back to the convo I had earlier, she basically questioned me when I would be arriving back to Vancouver and sorting out my life. (Which basically translates to: when are you going to get a real job?) She conveyed to me that she doesn't know where to hide her head when she thinks about what I'm doing with my life and she is not proud of any of my accomplishments and that I'll get old and have nothing to do when that happens. She doesn't see that it's not easy to find work all the time and that it is a TRUE privilege when media runs stories on me and puts me on magazines to sell.

So now you know why it hurts.

I've never been so grateful for the bountiful blessings and the support I've had from everyone and yet none will ever come from my mother. In fact it goes beyond a lack of support, and to being shameful that her daughter is in the limelight. I have never been so happy and even though my mom wants me to be happy, she can't even be happy for me. She wants me to hold a meaningless desk job in Vancouver. She wants me to make 60K and start financing a new Honda Accord while dating a guy who is most probably a (boring) doctor/lawyer/accountant who makes twice as much as I do. That's her dream for me. She wants me to wake up at 7am and sleep by 10pm. Wake up early, sleep early. She wants me to work for a couple years and then not have to work because my boyfriend will propose to me and we'll have kids in the next year. She wants me to be happy like my sister-who is happily married with a daughter but I'm not my sister! She wants to make sure that all those categories in my life are filled before she can "let me go" as a daughter.

It's NOT FOR ME.

I struggle. I cry. I fight for what I want. I make goals and I pursue them. I'm in a tough spot with my stuff and trying to get my act together but its a small price to pay. My train is just going over a few rough spots here and there before I'll see my light. I know its there and the tunnel I'm racing through has already shown me glimpses that I'm getting closer to the brightness. I feel like my mother wants to turn off the engine and derail it back through another tunnel despite how far I've gone on my own path. I get angry at her for not being happy for me. I get angry because I take nothing from her and I haven't in so long because I refuse to. I think about how shameful it is for working kids who live under their parent's roofs to take money from their parents. And yet my mother makes me feel worse for not doing so.

Where the fuck is the logic?

I feel guilty for feeling angry. I feel upset for screaming back at her when she lectures about how she wants to control me when really she knows she can't. I feel at a loss for words. I cry each time I talk to her. I swear each time I talk to her. We can't agree. I can't win and she can't lose. I don't know when was the last time I actually wanted talked to her. I don't know when was the last time I was happy to talk to her. I hate this. I just can't fucking do it. I don't know how to swallow my pride. I don't know how to see her view because she doesn't see mine. My sister talks to my mom almost everyday and questions why I can't do the same. I've been living on my own for 5 years - my relationship with my mother is through emails and sporadic phone calls.

She doesn't understand that I remind myself everyday how much harder I have to work and push myself to do well so I can start taking care of her and my pops slowly. She's my driving force to work hard. I never want to struggle like my mother has and I don't want my mom to ever have to keep feeling like she still has to man the fort. I want to help but I'm asking for a little patience. Just a little more time to get my bearings right and be set. There's only so much I can do in a short period of time and yet it's not enough. So when she yells at me, I think I'm not enough, I think I'm not good enough for all her dreams to come true.

Fucking A.

****

Ragged to gumpers about it and left hag lost in Brickfields today. my eyes are swollen and I'm glad I don't have a shoot tomorrow!

Stupid Heads

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 18:22:00 GMT

The stupidest of the stupidest people in the whole wide world.